Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
