I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
