I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Randomize
