I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
