So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
