He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
