Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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