I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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