the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
