My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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