Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
