shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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