i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
