I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
