Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
