if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
