you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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