I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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