hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
