i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
