This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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