Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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