I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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