i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
