He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
