This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
