Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize