i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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