he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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