i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
