I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
nutella sex= disaster
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
