forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize