God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
