I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
