you guys were way drunker than both of me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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