ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
