I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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