she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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