I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
