I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
