People with herpes should wear stickers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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