It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
