Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
