I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm like, not good at living.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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