You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
