i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
