I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
