So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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