so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
