he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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