i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
