u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
