he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
