I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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