someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
