Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
