A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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