Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
