im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
