Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
