Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
