There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
zippers are such a cool invention
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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