i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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